Sunday, July 13, 2008

Empty Handed

Last night, for the first time in..well, I don't *know* how long...I left a bookstore without buying anything. And it felt wonderfully liberating!

I didn't even want to *go* to that store, but my husband requested we do so after dinner. I obliged. And you know what, I really didn't want to be there. This is huge for me!

I looked for one book I've been wanting. It wasn't available.

I walked back to my favorite part - the clearance section - where any number of treasures could be waiting for under $3.00. My eyes scanned the shelves and I actually picked out three or four books that I thought might be a good addition to my collection. But they did not resonate with me. I looked through them again. All three would have cost me less than $5.00. And I probably could have even asked my husband to pay for them. But, in the end, I decided they did not need to come home with me.

"Is there someone else who would be better served by owning this book right now?", I found myself asking. "This one, on love and relationships, do I need it? Or could it be a blessing to someone who is *really* struggling with love and life?"

The energy shifted. I *did*not*want*those*books.

It was an amazing moment.

Making the conscious choice to let go. To pass on. To freely, knowlingly make a choice for my higher good. Wow!

I actually did a little dance out in the parking lot. I threw my hands in the air...opening my arms wide...and twirled around. "I left a bookstore empty handed!", I announced to the world.

I gazed up at the rays of the sun bursting through a dark summer storm cloud. And felt tremendous joy, relief and liberation.

You see, my focus right now is on other things:

~The joy, pride, and satisfaction I will derive from spending time with female friends today as we gather for brunch, chatting, and crafty fun (we're making garden troughs!).

~The amazing feeling I will have preparing and sharing my homegrown salad. (I carefully, deliberately, ritually clipped, washed, rinsed, spun, and refrigerated the ingredients last night.)

~The tremendous peace, excitement and anticipation I feel about going to San Francisco this week (THIS WEEK!!!) for BlogHer.

~A sense of 'right-ness' and contentment with my life - even in the midst of many messy unresolved things and relationship. Knowing I am on the right path and *owning* my part of the journey.

Yes, my hands may have been void of books last night, but my arms and life are so full of others treasures. I am blessed beyond measure. Hallelujah and Amen!

Value is not made of money,
but a tender balance of expectation and longing.

~Barbara Kingsolver
in Animal, Vegetable, Miracle

1 comment:

GailNHB said...

I am THRILLED for you, Lisa. Absolutely thrilled. I cannot wait to walk with you and throw our hands up into the air in SF! I'm off to a bookstore in a little while. I will let you know how I do... Love you so much, dear friend.

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